#darkgirls

By Kofi Genfi

Oprah didn't ask me. I love the dark skin that wraps itself around a black woman just like the evening. It looks rich to me; it reminds me of royalty.  I do not believe there is anything wrong with “preference”, so long as that preference is not predicated on ignorance. 

It troubles me when I read or hear the words, "I don't necessarily care for your input, you don't know what I had to endure growing up." I think at some point in our lives we have all cried about something for a very long time.  It's as if we love our struggles so much that we refuse to let anyone in. When going through our struggles, we want to isolate ourselves to our own personal pain; it makes us feel better when no one else understands us.  Moreover, we only bestow validity upon those that have experienced exactly what we have struggled through.  So, what corner does a man like me scamper to when war drums sound and war boots march closer to home?

A poet and actress from London once shared with me her work,

"I am not in competition with whose pain delves the deepest. I refuse to compete because I am not in a race to see who can hurt the most."

I have internalized this notion and it has made much sense to me.  The truth is that one of the commonalities that binds us as human beings are our struggles.

Granted, the battles I fought are different than yours, but do we both not have scars?  To the women that say, "Honestly, I'm not interested in your perspective. It is not your place" then where IS my place? Please, help me find it.  Is it not beside my mother and my sister? Of all places a black man should be, shouldn't his place be there, at home? Shouldn't his black horse and bayonet be there with you throughout all of your anguish? Although he may not be able to fight for you in every battle, doesn't it offer some reassurance that he is with you?  He is interlocked into your successes as well as your suffering.

Fixing the problem isn't the problem. Finding the problem to fix is more of an issue than the actual problem itself.  There are revolving issues that exist; yet, some of us think these issues are only coming from one direction.  Dark girls have issues with their security because men are more attracted to light skin girls. We tend to forget that there is a war black men are fighting- possibly because this too is an isolated war. It starts by analyzing the issues in their entirety.  The most imperative step is to realize that our struggles are our own, but they affect everyone.  

Sometimes when you are sad you just want to be sad, and I can understand that. One must get over that emotional hindrance and realize there is still a war to be won.  If this war does not end with you, it will be inherited by your daughters.  So, pick your opponents wisely and stand with those that stand with you.

Love your skin. Love your struggles, it has given you strength. More importantly allow yourself to be loved, allow those that have not lived your struggle to stand with you.  At the end of the day, we are all fighting the same war.  Crusaders are not committed to color, they are committed to change.

Personal Development

by Kofi Genfi

We all can't be Tila Tequila. We all can't be social media site celebrities.  Not everyone can make a name for themselves through the advent of what is now a metamorphosed MySpace Market.  This is not a shot at Tila Tequila or anyone that has risen through social media for that matter. On the contrary, I believe that in order for Tila to reach her status she had to be consistent within personal development.

Why do you do it- for the four seconds of fame? Why do you sit on Twitter all day as your words get washed down timelines- for the facade of fame?  The truth is that we don't truly know how to exist without the attention we crave from others.  And, it's in a crowded room in which we try to define ourselves.  We are so heavily influenced by those we see on TV and those we watch on Twitter that we try and become them. When in reality the person that is on the TV screen probably wasn't watching TV all damn day- and if they were they were studying how to get there. They too were invested in their own personal development.

We must consistently ask ourselves what we are doing to define ourselves. What are we doing on a daily basis to personally grow? What are we doing on a weekly basis to better ourselves? What strides have we made this month?  In the words of my brother, “Challenge Yourself and Grow” because if you are not growing where are you going?  Are we being consistent in our attempts to contribute something of actual value to the world or are we wasting our time living for the four seconds that will find themselves in a forgotten place.